Drunk People Suck

Seriously, why do people get drunk. I just don't get the appeal. What is so fun about being so out of your senses that you act like a total idiot. I have never wanted to be drunk and after all the people I have seen drunk I am positive I will never change my mind about that. I can't even stand to be around drunk people. Anyway, that is just my two cents.

FML

I HATE MY LIFE

Apparently I am gods idea of a joke.

Good Day

Yesterday was a good day. The best day I've had in a long time. Wyatt said that he wanted to go bowling. So we asked Trish if she and Kadie wanted to come with us. It was great. Not only did Trish and Kadie come but Colten and his girlfriend and a couple of cousins came too. It felt really good to be there with everyone again. It reminded me of when we all went to Boondocks and spent the day up there. It felt like we were a family again. I really miss being with them. 


But it was a really good day.

Death

I really hate my life. I don't want it anymore. I would end it if I had the guts. The other day as I was driving the second half of my route a oncoming coal truck hauling a pup trailer was in my lane, why I don't know. But as we got close he suddenly swerved back into his lane and as we passed each other I narrowly missed hitting his pup trailer. To be completely honest I turned just slightly towards his lane hopeing that we would hit and crash, we missed by a few inches. Part of me was disappointed that we didn't but part of me was glad. I don't think I would still be here if it wasn't for my son. Every time I think of dying I think of him and what it would do to him not having a father around.

A big part of me doesn't want to be here anymore. Other than my son I've lost every reason to keep going. I don't want to do this anymore.

Trish

It is nearing the one year anniversary of our divorce and yet I still find myself thinking of you every day. I still dream about you. When something happens you are still the first person I want to tell about it.

I still love you Trish. I still dream of a day when we will be able to work things out and be together again. But I also have a more logical side of me telling me that we will never be together again. That the problems we had will never be fully forgotten nor forgiven by either of us.

I hate that you are dating someone. Everytime you say his name or mention him in a conversation I am overcome with some many emotions. I hate him and yet I don't even know him, I've never even met him.

I love you Trish. I don't know if I will ever stop. People ask me all the time if I'm dating anyone and I always just say no. When inside I want to say that I have no desire to ever date anyone again because I still love you.

I will always love you Trish, no matter what.

Life

Why does life have to suck sometimes. Last year my wife decided that she no longer wanted to be married to me. Now I wasn't of the opinion that things were 100% perfect but I also didn't realize that they were that bad either. I loved my wife, still do. If it were up to me we would still be together. Be we aren't, not for lack of trying on my part anyway. But that brings me to my question. How do I get her back? How do I convince her to give me, us, another chance? I know that I wasn't perfect in our marriage. I know the mistakes I made. But since our divorce I have been working on those things. I have been making these changes in myself not only for her but for myself as well. I look back at our marriage and see a person that I don't like. Someone that I never want to be again. But how do I convince her that I have made these changes for good? How do I convince her that things won't be the same as they were before? I still tell her all the time that I love her. I know that she still loves me too. So what do I do?

So here is the new toy. Actually, it's a toy hauler. We got it about 2 month's ago and love it. We can fit three 4-wheelers in it. We took it to Little Sahara sand dunes the week after Easter weekend. It was a blast. All of Trish's family went with. We are going out again next weekend, although not to where I want to go. We were suppose to be headed down to Sand Hollow by Hurricane, but everyone that was going to go with us canceled. So now we are just going to go to Kimberly Mountain, which is nearby, and camp out. I am dying to go to Sand Hollow, so if anyone wants to plan a weekend to go down I all for it.

Trish found out the other day that she has carpal tunnel in both of her hands. She will be going in for the first of 2 surgery's next Friday. The aftermath of her surgery's should be interesting. Trish gets claustrophobic and can't stand to wear a wrist brace. Last time the doctor told her to wear one she pulled it off in her sleep and threw it across the room.